||[Feb. 7th, 2007|07:30 pm]
hey girls, i feel most comfortable posting this here, because i don't believe anyone else can see it. you probably won't even see it. |
i have no one to talk to, i've been sitting alone for a long time, crying by myself. i cant talk to rechele, even though i live with her because we both get upset.
we broke up, i'm sure you know that.
she made out with this guy, and i found out a week later (this was months ago). when i confronted her, she apologized, said she wouldnt do it again, told me that she'd told him she wouldn't talk to him anymore.
this was all a lie of course. it went on for a month. maybe too.
when i would suspect anything, she would tell me that i was paranoid and crazy.
and i thought i was. i thought i was nuts. i hated myself for imagining things all the time.
now you can imagine how i felt when i found out it was all true.
see the thingis, i am stupid. i should've stayed away from her from the beginning. she kicked me out of her first house because this girl told her i was stealing.
then, when she wanted me back i had to change first.
and this came from the girl that yelled at me for being upset.
so when i got down about everything and told her we should work things out, she broke up with me.
i can't ask her about anything, because she doesn't want to explain something i'll never understand.
and apparently its not her fault, as she keeps saying. maybe she forgot that i didn't cheat on myself.
she doesn't even want to be around me because she says i'm depressing.
i feel so sad a lot. i just want to disappear often. and it sucks because i was finally loving myself, you know.
i have to go now, good bye