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the yolk.

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(no subject) [Feb. 7th, 2007|07:30 pm]
the yolk.

tophead4
hey girls, i feel most comfortable posting this here, because i don't believe anyone else can see it. you probably won't even see it.
i have no one to talk to, i've been sitting alone for a long time, crying by myself. i cant talk to rechele, even though i live with her because we both get upset.
we broke up, i'm sure you know that.
she made out with this guy, and i found out a week later (this was months ago). when i confronted her, she apologized, said she wouldnt do it again, told me that she'd told him she wouldn't talk to him anymore.
this was all a lie of course. it went on for a month. maybe too.
when i would suspect anything, she would tell me that i was paranoid and crazy.
and i thought i was. i thought i was nuts. i hated myself for imagining things all the time.
...
now you can imagine how i felt when i found out it was all true.

see the thingis, i am stupid. i should've stayed away from her from the beginning. she kicked me out of her first house because this girl told her i was stealing.
then, when she wanted me back i had to change first.
and this came from the girl that yelled at me for being upset.

so when i got down about everything and told her we should work things out, she broke up with me.
i can't ask her about anything, because she doesn't want to explain something i'll never understand.
and apparently its not her fault, as she keeps saying.  maybe she forgot that i didn't cheat on myself.

she doesn't even want to be around me because she says i'm depressing.
i feel so sad a lot. i just want to disappear often. and it sucks because i was finally loving myself, you know.

i have to go now, good bye
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windy Halloween sunday. [Nov. 1st, 2004|01:45 pm]
the yolk.

tophead4
[mood |yeah.]

sluggish and aware we woke in the room of pink and white fluffing sheets that
hang from the floor on the ceiling.
slowly we sat in the room of the haze and the blinds in the back that flowed side
to side like an sidewinder sighting trout.
when from the side of the out of the door
flew into the room in a gush of red sun and a sight of west wind that blew our feet out from
under our own.
out went we with a trampoline for a kite
and a round holder down with a string for the kite in the sky.
out to the wind with a "kite" and a string for the wind that flew.
to the string it was tied and jumped on it was and it was run with a string through the wind.
up to the sky it flew with a jumper atop and a sting holder for it to stop.
into the clouds it did flew as it ran the two in perfect symmetry
from the two who flew it, they flew.
with one in the sky jumping up and down and the other rushing the wind with a string.




that's so bad, i know.
but i just had to do it.
i'll delete it soon.

- the pothead
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(no subject) [Oct. 24th, 2004|04:32 am]
the yolk.

tophead4
i'm a little shocked by the sky tonight.
the stars are irrefutably sharp, but i can only see orion. why?

how can sleep escape me? i haven't had 15 hours of sleep in the last four days.
i feel an endless shock of high.
my body is happy, i think. and i know that my mind is.

poetry and prose.. come to me.
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(no subject) [Oct. 20th, 2004|11:24 pm]
the yolk.

tophead4
"why have you captured me?"
she thought as she sat in khaki cut offs in front of the
hum of the computer that held her future: a paper that should be saved right now in case of a power shortage. oh wait, that would be a two years ago from today.
beneath the hum of the flourescent lights and buzz of the ceiling fans.
its so fucking cold in here. my freshly shaved leg hair is already growing back. damnit i hate shaving my legs. i hate showing them too. it's so embarrassing, "paige, your legs are so white." fuck you man. skin cancer is the devil.
i want to go outside and smoke a cigarette on the wooden steps. but i won't because i'm out. and because i'm quitting. but i won't quit coffee.
i should go outside anyway. to look at the stars. i bet you're looking at them too. they connect us. i just want to tell you hello. and that i love you.
your face has left my mind.
tomorrow i will wake up
for a class at 7 30.
then take a nap in my car.

i'm so afraid to live a little.
to let go of everything.
but i want to see the world.

i know that happiness is real.

damn, i need to get laid.
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(no subject) [Oct. 1st, 2004|02:59 pm]
the yolk.

tophead4
[mood |giddygiddy]
[music |jeffrey's melancholy mix]

should i love this person?Collapse )
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this and that. [Sep. 21st, 2004|02:54 am]
the yolk.
_forthebirds_
so paige and i were talking tonight, and hot damn did it make me miss us. i miss having friends who i hang out with everyday SO bad. i wish i had friends who missed me even if they saw me the day before. or even a few hours before.

remember that time you three went out and you missed me and ya'll acted like i was there? like, paige "did a katie" or something? i uh kinda remember it vaguely but.

i don't know. like. i don't feel like i'll ever get that again. people just don't realize how fucking lucky they are. i need that so bad. someone to spend EVERY DAY with. at least someone who'll bum around with me and watch tv.

i was watching fight club today and just wished i could pull a tyler durden out of my ass. that would rock.

so. i think i'm going to start smoking cigarettes. lol. because i get SO bored. and i need something to pass the time, and not just a song. maybe i'll meet cool people. i mean. i'd probably smoke like, one cig per pack, and let everyone bum off of me. i can be uh the girl who gives away cigarettes. hell.



oh. and i've spent so much time missing the yolk. i hate getting in that funk. because i get too obsessed with it, and think that i'll never ever belong to another group like that again. just talking to paige tonight... jesus. i am so unreserved. i can let myself go and go. and i like to think that the rest of ya'll can do that with me.

half of the time i wish i could make more awesome friends like yous guys. but then again, sometimes i just want it to be us. but not really, because friends like that... i mean. i need that. i need you girls. even if i make other really good awesome amazing friends, ya'll are always #1. anyway. i love you all. and miss you like hell!

<3<3
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(no subject) [Sep. 15th, 2004|03:29 am]
the yolk.
scarshapedstar
[mood |hyperhyper]

...this is dwarf invasionnnn
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(no subject) [Sep. 14th, 2004|10:11 am]
the yolk.

tophead4
i need a vote.
i'm surprised at the response i got from non yolkers.
so, my question is, can non yolk members join?
keep in mind anyone can post.
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(no subject) [Sep. 13th, 2004|07:56 pm]
the yolk.

tophead4
[mood |accomplished]

i did this for us. sometimes, i want to post creative things to personal things to close friends but i don't feel comfortable because there are so many people on my friends list.
membership is monitored, but anyone can post here.

<3
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